Top 3 Conversation Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner
Top 3 Conversation Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner By Ian “No Gravy” Sullivan Who’d you vote for? Just kidding! I’m sure you’ve been at thanksgiving with your relatives and found yourself in an awkward conversation. Well this year that won’t happen. With our top 3 topics that won’t upset your uncle you won’t ever have to […]
How to Handle Hoco Proposal Rejection
How to Handle Hoco Proposal Rejection By Cameron “Never Rejected” Gieske Cry. Go to the gym. You can’t feel mental pain if you are physically in pain. Eat ice cream. You won’t remember the rejection if you’re eating ice cream. Try again by going on stage during HoCo and professing your love so everyone in […]
A THS Mystery: The Lemon Investigates
A THS Mystery: The Lemon Investigates By Muhammed “Mystery” Khan What’s good my beloved Tribune readers!!!!! Mystery solving extraordinaire Muhammed “Mystery” Khan here. I recently came across a spoooooky mystery that I just had to get to the bottom of. You’re in for quite the adventure, so take a few minutes to comb your hair, […]
THS President Muhammed Khan Gives Inaugural Address
Recently, Muhammed Khan was re-elected as class president. The following is a transcript of the shocking speech he gave at his inauguration. This was a truly frightening moment for the class of 2024. If you are easily spooked, I would advise you to close this tab ASAP. You have been warned. START OF TRANSCRIPT Khan: […]
Braveheart Trash Talks the Talawanda Brave
Braveheart travels from the past and trash talks the Talawanda Brave on “Oxford Jungle” day during a Homecoming week interview with Garrison Franks. While William Wallace thinks that the Brave are going to lose Friday night’s game, THS student Mason Harvey definitely disagrees with his look-a-like from the past.
Floridians Cut Loose, Literally
Floridians Cut Loose, Literally By Stenghis Khan In recent years, citizens of the United States have noticed an increase in suspicious activity coming from the state of Florida. Ranging from attempted robberies with staplers to the governor’s attempts to take control of Disney World, the happenings in Florida have been a cause for concern for […]
Kondo: Ask Me Almost Anything
Kondo: Ask Me Almost Anything By Muhammed Khan & Will Salzarulo If you aren’t living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of Kondo the dog. Nobody really knows where Kondo came from; it appears as if he just spawned in one day. I’m sure you have wondered at some point what goes on inside that […]
The Lemon’s Top 10 Video Game Idea
By: Muhammed Khan and Will Salzarulo Video Games are arguably the most immersive form of entertainment in the world right now. They allow you to transport to new worlds and do things you would have never imagined. Kids these days play games like RDR2, Fortnite, Call of Duty, etc. There are some games, however, that […]
Happy Holidays: Talawanda Tribune Headlines
Woman Divorces Husband over Whether or not ‘Die Hard’ Is a Christmas Movie Big Fat Man Arrested for Breaking in Entering and Stealing Cookies and Milk Joe Alwyn Gets T. Swift Stock in Ticketmaster for Christmas Parents Continue to Buy ‘Those Darn Phones’ for Little, Little Children Santa Refuses to Let Reindeer Stop for a […]
Terrifying Times: The E-Hallpass Era
Terrifying Times: The E-Hallpass Era By: Moonhamed Juan We’ve all heard of the not-so-popular e-hallpass. Although everyone has complained about them at some point, some sources suggest that your worries are only the tip of the iceberg. An insider from THS staff recently released some disturbing images of appointment passes that reveal secrets the administration […]