Terrifying Times: The E-Hallpass Era

Terrifying Times: The E-Hallpass Era

By: Moonhamed Juan

We’ve all heard of the not-so-popular e-hallpass. Although everyone has complained about them at some point, some sources suggest that your worries are only the tip of the iceberg. An insider from THS staff recently released some disturbing images of appointment passes that reveal secrets the administration does not want you to find out about. As citizens of a democratic nation, we cannot allow these claims to go unnoticed. So, please, join me as I take a look at these e-hallpass appointment passes that have me questioning everything I have come to know about our school district.

  1. From hanging with friends to being locked behind bars

The cafeteria has been a place of community and shared memories, as we spend 30 minutes there every day with our friends. But has anyone ever tried to leave? What happens then? I would ask Jimmy, but he is currently serving hard time in the state penitentiary, no visitors allowed. This pass indicates that the reason for his sentence was an attempt to leave the place that we all thought was a free, friendly location.


  1. Read responsibly . . .  or else?

Ever heard of young Theodoria? Me neither. After all, a few hours without being at school and you tend to become irrelevant. So who is this Theodoria, and where is she now? From the evidence shown here, it is clear that she likes (or liked) reading. Maybe a little too much, as she has allegedly been sent to a mysterious dungeon for missing the deadline for returning her library book. To make matters worse, it was only 1 minute late! Where is the dungeon, you may ask? Beats me, but something tells me Theodoria isn’t the only one who’s being kept down there.


  1. Couldn’t hold it in

I haven’t heard of Melvin either, but, then again, who cares about freshmen? It would be unethical, however, to ignore the evidence presented in this pass. Melvin was sent straight to the desert for being in the bathroom for too long. And on the first day of school, no less. Unless he finds a kind stranger, I doubt he’ll be needing to use the restroom for quite some time. 


  1. A mysterious past

What’s this? A pass from 1984? And that’s not even the weirdest part. Who (or what) is Bingleton, and how did they consume 3 gallons of glue? Did they survive? And what therapist on Earth could have possibly been trusted to solve this issue? What is Room 1? And why is the month/year empty? This pass raises so many questions, but unfortunately I have no answers.


  1. Be prepared for the future

This pass seems to have been pre-made for 2025. There’s a lot to unpack here. Kanye West going to the oval office? That can mean only one thing: Kanye is expected to win the presidential election in 2024. But what does that have to do with THS? Is the administration somehow involved in governmental affairs? And is McDonalds a front for their secret meetings? We’ll just have to wait and see.


From imprisoning students to the leadership of our country, these totally real e-hallpasses have given us critical insight into what may be going on behind closed doors at our school. If you don’t hear from me soon, more likely than not I was silenced by the administration. But don’t let that discourage you. I encourage you all to keep asking questions and paying attention to what goes on around you, because chances are this is only a small part of the evidence that will help us uncover the truth about THS and e-hallpass.