Top 3 Conversation Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner
Top 3 Conversation Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner
By Ian “No Gravy” Sullivan
Who’d you vote for? Just kidding! I’m sure you’ve been at thanksgiving with your relatives and found yourself in an awkward conversation. Well this year that won’t happen. With our top 3 topics that won’t upset your uncle you won’t ever have to sit in silence while they senselessly ramble.
No. 1: Do you know how heavy clouds are?
Picture this, you’re sitting around the table having a lovely conversation with your family, then suddenly, disaster strikes. Someone has mentioned the election. Well, all you need to do is whip out one handy question to save the day, “Do you know how heavy clouds are?” Whether you know the answer or not no one will be thinking about the election anymore, they’ll be thinking about how much clouds weigh.
No. 2: Which McDonald is your favorite?
The food is finally out of the oven and you’re starving. The turkey is simmering, the rolls are toasty, and the sweet potatoes are — The sweet potatoes look like garbage! They’re shriveled and disgusting, mutilated and mauled. Whoever cooked these clearly has never touched a spatula before. Then, from across the room someone says, “Man those potatoes look like an embryo.” You need to stop that line of conversation before it escalates beyond your control. So what do you say? It’s simple, say, “Hey guys, if you could spend one week at either McDonald’s, Old MacDonald’s Farm, or McDonald’s Island, where would you stay?” Suddenly, a compelling dilemma is put forth that will keep your family occupied for hours.
No. 3: Have you heard of the mole people?
The day is nearly over and you’re about to finish off dinner with a nice slice of pumpkin pie. No one has mentioned anything even remotely controversial, in fact, in a shocking turn of events, the day at your relatives house has been remarkably fun. You scoop up a piece of your pie and prepare to leave before your perfect day is ruined. Suddenly, and in a totally predictable fashion, your aunt says, “Man I’ve always liked these people’s food! The —.” You need to act fast, time is of the essence. Your aunt is about to cause an absolute uproar at the dinner table. Well, luckily a golden inquiry is sitting just in front of you. All you need to say is, “Have you heard of the mole people who live in the floorboards?” An essense of bewilderment will begin to consume everyone in your family (assuming they haven’t heard of the mole people who live in the floorboards) subsequently causing the crisis to be averted. Brownie points if you get up and start to knock on the floorboards like you’re trying to find one.
