Friendsgiving Tips
Friendsgiving Tips
By STAFF
F is for friends who stuff together like host a “Friendsgiving”! The Tribune staff has some tips to make your get together a rousing success. From potluck dish ideas to conversation topics, we have you covered.
What to Bring to the Friendsgiving PotLuck
You don’t have to be a great cook to nail the potluck dish. In fact, you could just follow Waxy’s tip and bring Halloween leftovers like the candy at the bottom of the plastic jack o’ lantern that no one wants such as pixie sticks, lollipops, and candy corn that surprisingly did not go stale. So cheap!
You could be like Muhammed and get inspired by TikTok to make the chocolate-covered strawberry turkeys made with strawberries, marshmallows, pretzel sticks, and of course, chocolate. Too cute!
Another option is to commission your grandma to make a dish she is famous for, like Logan conned his nana into making chocolate-peanut butter cookie pizza. YUM!
Or, you could be like the rest of the Tribune staff, and show up to the party empty handed but with a great description of the dish that you would have brought if you had time, money, or a good memory.
Conversation Topics to Avoid
Religious discussions because no one should be tasked to prove that they are right about who/what is god, how many gods there are, if we can worship idols, and where we go when we die when there is pumpkin pie to eat.
When it is okay to listen to holiday music and whether or not “Die Hard” is a “Christmas Movie” because you can’t move on to the next holiday until the one you’re on is done.
Political matters such as: 1. whether or not ducks should have the right to vote (Abdullah would like Tribune readers to know, “what cruel monster would stop ducks from voting?”); 2. “Sleepy Joe” or “Tangerine Twitter Machine” because it’s not nice to make fun of Uncle Joe’s narcolepsy or Uncle Donny’s spray tan and social media ban; 3. Whether or not to replace confederate statues with Moth-man statues because who doesn’t want a giant humanoid lepidoptera in the town square? 4. American troops being pulled out of Afghanistan because cousin Ronny thinks America should be the watchdog for democracy and help the Afghani people while Uncle Joe says, “we gotta get out, pass the Hawaiian rolls.”
Your Friends’ Grades because sometimes you have that one science teacher who doesn’t get grades in for three months and other times you have the one that grades while they’re supposed to be teaching.
Conversation Topics to Discuss
Political matters such as: 1. Every American should be given a chinchilla by the government because they’re really fluffy and cute;
2. Complaints about politicians as long as you don’t complain about specific politicians. Example: “Man, I really hate those politicians, they’re so political, they make so many policies, they pass so many darn laws, they tax me, they’re part of the dumb, stupid, outrageous politics”; 3. Gun rights. Just kidding. That’s a big no-no; 4. Is there actually cheese inside disposable masks, and if so, is that cheese edible and has anybody eaten that cheese yet?
Fun, light-hearted debates like:
Is Canada America’s hat or is America Canada’s pants?
What happened at the end of George Orwell’s 1984?
What show are you watching?
Are birds real or are they spies sent by the government? Or, are insects the real spies?
Are you real, or are you just a figment of my imagination? Wait. Seriously? Are you real?
Please wake up, it’s been three years. Seriously.
*The Schmid Zone*
Favorite Schmid outfit?
What country is Schmid standing in?
Is Schmid married to Talawanda?
Are Schmid and Pasquale actually two people or just one that moves around really fast?
How many movies has Schmid actually seen?
Pancakes or waffles?
Is a hotdog a sandwich? A taco? A burrito?
Most of the Tribune staff wishes you a very happy Thanksgiving, however Abdullah wishes you have a horrible break and cry the entirety of the week and Logan wants you to be used for bloodsport and thrown in the Rancor pit.
