“Dear Buddy”: Buddy the Elf Gives Holiday Advice
Dear Buddy,
Today on the bus a 5th grader told me that Santa Claus isn’t real. I’m in second grade and I’m not sure. What do u think? Is Santa real? I’m afraid to ask my parents because they told me that kids that don’t beeleaf only get socks and underwears for Christmas.
Sinserily, Cindy Lou
Dear Cindy Lou,
Son of a nutcracker! This 5th grader seems like he needs a hug… Where’s his Christmas spirit?! Santa is absolutely real, I work with him! I build all the toys and help him shine his sleigh in time for Christmas. Nobody wants socks and underwear for Christmas, it’s worse than coal. Plus, believing in Santa helps power up his sleigh so he can fly all over the world and deliver presents to all the good boys and girls. There’s only one real Santa Claus (don’t be fooled by the imposters at the mall) and he lives in the North Pole.
Happy Holidays!
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
I’m a high school teacher and I am having a very difficult time recently because there is an epidemic spreading among my twelfth graders: senioritis. Buddy, I am worried that I’m not going to survive this week before holiday break without screaming at these slackers and getting fired. It’s even gotten to some of the juniors (Austin Howard). Please advise.
Sincerely,
A Fed-Up Teacher
Dear Fed-Up Teacher,
Austin Howard seems like a real cotton headed ninny-muggins, and so do the rest of your seniors, who obviously are influencing his junior mind. I suggest punishing them, like putting them in the mail room, or making them test all the toys in Santa’s Workshop to see which are defective (Your seniors seem a little defective as well). If they’re good, reward them with candy and sugar, like candy canes and syrup, maybe even a snowball fight!
Merry Christmas!
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
I don’t know what to get that special someone for Christmas. We’ve been dating for a whole week and I’m not sure how much money I should spend on them. Please help me out, I don’t want to have to break up with them the day before Christmas just because I didn’t get them the perfect gift.
Sincerely,
Needs a Gift Quick
Dear Needs a Gift Quick,
A week doesn’t seem like a whole long time for dating, but try a small gift basket filled with minty candy canes and lots of chocolate. I’m sure a sweet surprise that doesn’t cost money is decorating their whole house with paper snowflakes and snowmen.
Good Luck!
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
We are having the family over for Christmas this year. My mother-in-law is so picky and everything has to be just-so. What should I make for the holiday dinner that the entire family will like and that my mother-in-law cannot complain about?
Sincerely,
Christmas Turkey
Dear Christmas Turkey,
Spaghetti with syrup and candy on top of course! Don’t serve coffee though, it’s quite disgusting. Try hot cocoa instead! She’s guaranteed not to complain. Although she seems like a real Scrooge, I would serve what I suggested to avoid her Grinchy-ness.
Have a Merry Christmas!
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
I really like someone in my third period class but they have no idea. I always watch him lift during strength training. He doesn’t even bat an eye when Coach DeCello makes him do push-ups whenever he says “yeah.” He’s so dreamy. What should I do? I don’t know if he knows I exist.
Sincerely,
Drooling in Third Period
Dear Drooling in Third Period,
Take him ice-skating, and show him the rotating doors found in most hotels. That’s sure to win him over, and maybe puke a little. But that’s okay! He seems like a real tough guy, but I’m sure you can soften him a little like a marshmallow in hot chocolate.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Buddy
Featured Photo from Warner Bros.
