How to Make Cookies Over Which Your Grandma Will Swoon

Ingredients: 

Enough butter to make Paula Deen proud

Milk (However much you can squeeze out)

Snatch a couple of eggs from your local chicken coop

Delight yo rapper side wit sum suga

Find a spritely cabbage patch girl to extract vanilla

The brownest of sugars

For all purposes that include paper mache flour

Baking soda, of the Arm and Hammer variety

A handful of salt

Make sure you don’t confuse the droppings in your backyard as chocolate chips

 

Instructions: 

1. For unsurmounted perfection, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Acquire a large bowl and start adding things.

3. Hold back your crafty desires and add the flour.

4. Ensure that before the milk is added, the temperature is that of a friendly embrace.

5. Check for baby chicken when cracking open the eggs.

6. The browner the sugar, the sweeter the cookie.

7. Like the attitude of Leo after the Oscars, add the salt.

8. Once all have been added into a medium sized mixing bowl, begin stirring the living daylights out of the concoction.

9. If you feel like your arms have been used to cut away foliage in the uncharted Nagarhole jungle, you’re doing it right

10. After about 5 minutes of a valiant effort, stop, eat a snickers, and google search a couple of pics of Kim Kardashian’s crying face to lift your spirit wow gold.

11. By the 10th minute you should have something that resembles the appearance of trick-or-treat candy left in a hot car.

12. Pop those puppies in the oven. By the time Serena van der Woodsen gets into trouble in an episode of Gossip Girl, the cookies should be hot and ready.

13. If you’re feeling frisky, add a touch of caramel sauce to garnish. The taste will come in like a wrecking ball.

14. Drink with a tall glass of milk for the greatest party your mouth as ever tasted.