The Prom Fashion Guide (For Men)

Ah, prom season.  The time of year when boys and girls pair themselves together for a night either sheer wonder or disappointment.  But how should a male look on this night?  Well, men, you’re in luck!  We have the answers to all of your questions right here.

One: The first step to a magical evening is to dress for success.  Any girl will want you to stand out in a crowd, so wear something that will scream, “I am important.”  An Elvis-style jumpsuit will do the trick, and if you are really determined to impress your date, you probably should consider bedazzling.

Two: Is your face like wooly forest? If so, you are in luck!  The ladies absolutely love facial hair.  The more biker-like, the better, because length is everything.  Be positive to style your facial hair as well; the classic french-inspired curled mustache is always a lady-grabber.

Three: Make sure that you don’t shower for days before the date.  It has been evolutionarily proven that girls are attracted to the natural smell of her mate, so you want your natural smell to really shine on prom night.

Four:  Some bling-bling never hurt anyone.  Remember that.

Five:  Slick your hair back with grease.  A reflective dude-do screams dead sexy.  But make sure that you middle-part your hair as flat as you can manage.

All in all, you should try to look better than your date.  With these tips, you’ll see her jaw drop to the floor in awe of your stunning appearance.