How to Seem Impressive on Facebook

Facebook is a modern social phenomenon that the majority of teens and young adults use and rely heavily on for communication needs.  Most Facebook users have at least 500 friends or over added to their profiles; broadcasting their lives to a large network of individuals.

But how does one go about making them seem rather impressive and complex on their Facebook profile?  Worry no longer, friend.  Here, we have the key to making you seem like a stand-out-social-champion on your posts to your large network.

Number One: Get as many friends as possible added to your profile.  This is the essential concrete foundation to your success.  Don’t have any real friends?  It’s okay!  Just add every single familiar face and name that you can find.  If they have at least one mutual friend with you, you probably know them.  Still not enough?  Add fake celebrities!  Fake profiles are a great way to raise your friend count.  That pretty girl you are trying to impress will never notice that you are friends with 10 Lady Gagas, 7 Obamas, and 12 Beibers.  If you are still having trouble, just add any name you see!  Did your friend’s friend of a friend’s grandma comment on someone’s status?  By all means, add her!  You can never have too many friends.

Number Two: Post statuses every five minutes.  It doesn’t matter what you say, just say something!  If your face isn’t on all of your friends’ news feeds every time they scroll down a page, you will be forgotten and all chances of seeming cool on Facebook will be crushed.  People love it when they can hear about your failing love life, a cliché song/quote, or how bored you are.   In fact, you probably should just stop messaging your significant other and just talk to them over your statuses.

Number Three: If you can’t think of anything to post a status about, just do one of those LMS (like my status) games like “rate”, “confessions,” or “truth is.”   This way, you now have an excuse to post something else every single time someone likes your status for selfish reasons.  You also will seem very nice for posting so many things about all of your loving friends.

Number Four: Take as many pictures of yourself as possible. Especially in a mirror.  All sweaty from a jog? Take a picture.  Just ate a sloppy-joe with sauce running down your face? Take a picture.  Just went to the bathroom? Take a picture…in the bathroom.  No matter where you are or what you are doing, take pictures of yourself.  But use your phone and don’t edit any of them.  The low-quality grade will make you seem real. When taking these pictures, make sure you always make the same face.  The most  common one among other facebook all-stars is the duck face.  The bigger your lips look in your picture, the more attractive you are.  And don’t forget to put all of these into an album of just you; your face is just that special.

Now you are ready to become a Facebook icon.  Just remember, the more you expose about yourself to your online audience, the more people will like you.