Horrorscopes by Logan Not-an-Astrologist Murray
Aquarius – You thought nobody saw what you did, but that sinking feeling says otherwise.

Pisces – I would study for that test If I were you.

Aries – It’s ok to be competitive, but making a kindergarten fight club may be too far.

Taurus – I’d start running. Now.

Gemini – you’ll see why “What’s the worst that could happen” isn’t the best policy for competitive 

    bear poking.

Cancer – Those spiders in the bathroom? You should get someone to check the drain.

Leo – Birds become less charming when instead of songs, they sing your failings.

Virgo – Hammers: useful for getting things in place, hitting nails, and… making nachos?

Libra – Don’t turn in that assignment with pizza grease on it, disgusting.*

Scorpio – (Redacted for legal reasons)

Sagittarius – You’ll tell yourself it was an accident, that you would never hurt a fly, however the 

        “weights incident” is evidence to the contrary.

Capricorn – You’ll soon feel firsthand how scared ants get of human feet.

*does not apply to assignments from Mr. Mills