“Supernatural” Probs

Dear AFAF:
Hola. I have a problem. “Supernatural” season 13 premieres Thursday October 12 and I am only on season 8, yet the season that is going to be on is season 13.
I’m screwed.

Dear I’m Screwed:
Hola fellow member of the SPNFamily, we have a solution. If we look at your problem from a mathematical perspective, we think it’ll give you a better idea of how much binging you’ll have to do in the coming days. Let’s begin. If October 12 is roughly two weeks away, and we base our math on the assumption that you’re halfway through season 8, you’ll have to watch 3.5 seasons of “Supernatural” in the next 14 days. As we’re sure you know, each season contains 23 episodes. Now, we’re not very good at math (see Geometry Probs), but 23 episodes x 3.5 seasons is 80.5 episodes the require your attention. This may sound impossible right now, but let us break it down even farther to encourage this little cultural Netflix craze: 80.5 episodes in two weeks means that over the next 336 hours of your life, 56.35 of them need to be fully committed to this challenge. Since this is a school newspaper writing to you, it seems necessary that we include the amount of time you will have per day to barricade yourself in a pile of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and blankets and enjoy the other-worldly experience of this series. Let’s assume that between time spent getting ready for school (one hour?), school (seven hours of class time), and being bussed to and from school (if you drive then you have extra time here!), you spend eight hours of your typical day doing things (more productive things, we hope) other than watching “Supernatural.” If you get the recommended eight hours of sleep (unlikely, but this is all hypothetical), and do your hour and a half of homework (less if you’re willing to let your grades slip a little. Exactly how committed are you, soldier?) then you are allotted six and a half hours of binge time per day. From here we can divide the number of hours of required viewing (56.35) by the number of days you have (14), and we have your (almost) magic number. You need to watch 4.025 hours, or 241.5 minutes, or… wait for it…5.75 EPISODES OF SUPERNATURAL EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS to avoid being “screwed.” Luckily for you, this means that you’ll still have 2.475 hours (148.5 minutes) of free, uninterrupted you-time. Good luck our binge-tastic friend.
AFAF in Consultation With Dean and Sam Winchester

Click to Submit to Asking for a Friend

Featured Photo Cred: Warner Brothers Studios